Holy Shift!

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. 

This Carl Jung quote illustrates the power of the tarot.  Tarot is less about predicting the future - and more about revealing the answers that lie in waiting within you. The images speak to your subconscious in a way that allows things to bubble to the surface so you can see them clearly - providing insight and sometimes BIG revelations - AHA moments.  This is the true magic of the tarot.

There's a card which I consider to be the most challenging - and it's not the dreaded Death Card.  It's called The Tower.  The image is of a tower perched high atop a craggy mountain - big dark gray clouds of misfortune hovering over head. Lightning strikes and flames burst from the castle windows.  A man and a woman are leaping from the tower head first in desperation.

It's a shake up of epic proportions.  It's about being shattered - crumbling - being cracked open.  Life will never be be the same.  And it won't after an illusion has been shattered and there has been a sudden shift in perception.

Holy Shit! 

When this card comes up in a reading, I tell my clients. Relax, Calm down. There's another perspective here.I call this the SHIFT HAPPENS card.

My life has seemingly been a steady stream of Holy Shift moments. 

One of my earliest happened when I was 15 – one of the most challenging years of my life. I was dealing with and processing years of sexual abuse by my alcoholic father, an emotionally abusive mother, struggling to fit in, wanting to stand out, nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, friends' suicides, sex, drugs, rock n roll - pressure everywhere.

Everyday felt like I was drowning in a sea of my emotions - being swept away by a strong undertow - alone, disconnected, afraid - moving further and further away from solid ground.  People on shore having fun, waving - oblivious to the seriousness of my situation.

It was a hot spring Friday night - my father was home from a week on the road and was 3 scotch on the rocks in to his wind down.  I was planning a fun night out with friends,  when I emerged from my bedroom - braless -  smelling of incense, cigarette smoke, and cheap perfume. I was hoping to slip past him - going unnoticed and tip toed past him on my way out of the house. I was one step away from the door. 

Where are you going?  


When will you be home? 

When I want to. 

I had dared to poke papa bear He said something about my curfew. I said something like 'FUCK YOU'...and then ran like a bat out of hell down the long gravel driveway to wait for my friend to rescue me in her VW bug. While I was waiting,  I sat in the dark on a big rock on the edge of the woods, listening to the peepers and my heart beating - feeling simultaneously FIERCE and shaking in my too big high heels.

Suddenly I had an inkling that I wasn't alone - that someone was watching me. And it was moving closer and closer until the nape of my neck started to tingle.  The pressure was growing stronger and stronger until I felt 2 hands on my shoulders - and the energy kept increasing until I felt it lift me up and move through me.  And finally when it was in front of me - I could see!  It was a GIANT... Angel! Humongous!  It was simultaneously visceral - and visual.  I was IMMEDIATELY overcome by a sense of comfort beyond measure and beyond a doubt. And I 'heard' - All is in Divine Order' - and I KNEW it was. My whole field of vision expanded in an instant.  

The darkness turned to brightness. All my fear and angst and despair and hopelessness seemed to evaporate In that instant - I MORE than believed that I was not alone - that I was seen and heard and that there was a greater plan unfolding. I didn't need to know what it was. I just needed to know that ALL is in Divine Order. For the first time in my life I felt no fear, no despair, no hopelessness - and I KNEW I was not alone. This Angel had thrown me a surfboard - and I knew, if I held onto that belief, I could save myself from the emotional waves - All is in Divine Order. I stood up, and learned to ride the waves.

There have been lots of big waves over the years - being widowed at age 43, suicides, fractured family dynamics. We all get our growth opportunities. But that core belief - that inner KNOWING that All is in Divine Order has sustained me through good times and dark – and I have become a pretty damn good surfer.

Remember the Tower card we talked about? Well, on the other side of the Tower is the Star.  There's a woman who is kneeling at the edge of a small pool - naked, vulnerable, open.  She has one foot on the ground and the other foot in the water - listening to her inner voice.  The stars are shining upon her - illuminating the darkness - giving her hope.  With this card comes enlightenment and peace, illumination. And she knows that All is in Divine Order.